I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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