you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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