Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
