you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
