And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
