just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
