i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
