I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
