how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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