My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
