you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
