after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
