I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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