So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
