Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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