dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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