I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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