I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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