Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize