Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
do nipples grow back?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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