drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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