Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
