just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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