yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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