I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
