i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
