3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
