he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
