Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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