I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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