Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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