its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
