Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
