"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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