My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
