I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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