I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
