Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
