Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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