cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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