The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
