just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
