It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
