Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
