zippers are such a cool invention
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
