I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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