She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
