Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
