Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize