We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
