I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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