why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
