No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
