I hate all girls vehemently.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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