i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I skipped work to stalk him.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
cat food counts as protein by the way
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
