the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
