they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
