I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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