the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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