shes about as inviting as chlamydia
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
