i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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