Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
