why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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