Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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