im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Randomize
