I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
