Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
