you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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