We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You pole danced in your parka.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
